October 2017. I still remember how confused I was. People looked different from what I was used to. The weather felt different too. Was the rain ever going to stop? How many pairs of trousers did I need to wear so I would not feel cold? And why was there no bidet hose in the bathroom?

A dark and hungry first night

I remember where the hands of the clock were. It was 11. I also remember how dark everything was. I did not think I could sleep while I was that hungry, so I went out in a desperate search for anything that could quiet the growling sounds that were getting out of control.

How was I supposed to walk through this ghost town? Every shop was closed. Nobody else was walking outside. Cars rushed past me. I do not think being showered with water thrown up by car tyres was ever one of my dreams, but I achieved it anyway.

At a moment like that, you feel lonely and miserable. More importantly, you feel hungry. You ask yourself the biggest question: Did I make the right choice?

Meeting Mrs Bee

A few days later, Bea welcomed me into her home. I called her Mrs Bee. She was an English woman in her forties with African roots. She was always smiling and joking to make things less awkward. She was Christian and very connected to her church.

I still remember how beautiful her voice was. Every Saturday, I woke up to her rehearsing songs with the choir before their Sunday church service. One day, she asked me to help hang the Christmas decorations. I clearly remember the Christmas music playing in the background. At that time of year, you hear it in every home, shop and street.

Mrs Bee knew I was an Arab and a Muslim. She still always asked if I needed anything. She was patient. She showed me how to use public transport, helped me buy a bike, and taught me how to mow the garden and sort the rubbish. These things sound easy, simple and obvious. Back then, they were more than my poor brain could handle.

I could not let this anniversary pass without saying: Thank you, Mrs Bee, for being tolerant, smiling, and always there to answer my basic and silly questions. You taught me many lessons I never learned at school or from our sheikhs.

A few years later

With my first salary, I bought a coffee machine and a big television. What gets you through being away from home better than a hot cup of coffee and the sound of people talking on television, even when you do not care much about what they are saying?

A few years passed. Things were definitely better and more stable. At least I knew how things worked. I had a garden that I looked after from time to time. Yes, I usually ruined it, but I convinced myself I was taking care of it. My old car took me wherever I wanted to go. The cold did not feel as bad, probably because I kept the heating on all the time. Most importantly, the growling from my stomach became much quieter.

Beginnings can be painful, but trust that endings can be more beautiful and more honest.